Hang your heads in shame Columbus

The Columbus Blue Jackets made headlines for the first time in six months that didn’t involve them sucking with the feel-good signing of Shawn Hunwick, circumstances notwithstanding. I won’t elaborate on Hunwick’s road to the NHL or his constant battling to get a whiff of playing time his first couple years of college. If Aaron Portzline's tweet report is to be believed, it’s where Hunwick played his college hockey that seems to be getting the attention, at least here in Columbus.

If you’re a Columbus Blue Jackets fan in Columbus and can’t admit to yourself that the Blue Jackets are the minor league team in town, you are indeed worse that the biggest Penguins super fan. That in itself is why the CBJ are not long for Columbus, but that’s a different story. But with that in mind, the ‘Columbus’ fans have asked Hunwick to surrender some of his pride he worked so hard for.

He's covered up his University of Michigan themed goalie mask with blue tape so that you can't see the Michigan "wings." NCAA regulations aside, I find it deplorable that this young man felt compelled to do this playing in Columbus, OH. If Kari Lehtonen can put sissy Final Fantasy toons on his lid and Ray Emery can put Mike Tyson on his, certainly the NHL is not asking him to change his winged goalie helmet.

I am sensitive to this for several reasons. Personally – I went to The Ohio State University and my wife graduated from the University of Michigan. I enjoy the rivalry and my most favorite thing to whisper in my wife’s ear late at night is “Michigan Lost.” We met post-college and because she wasn’t a Yankees fan, the relationship began. Living in Michigan, being married to a Wolverine, then moving back to Columbus, I can honestly tell you we Buckeyes are unhealthily obsessed with this storied rivalry.  Michigan fans care just as much about the rivalry, but Buckeye fans are like the Dale Earnhardt fans of college football.

Secondly, a goal mask is a defining piece of a goaltenders identity. I’ve had the privilege of being friends with a couple NHL and Colligate goalies and while to most it’s just a piece of equipment, most hang onto their masks long after all the other gear has gone to charity, sports card companies, or to pay tuition bills for their kids.  To a fan, most folks know who’s in net by their mask rather than their number. The helmet is the only piece of hockey equipment that is visually allowed to be customized in hockey. It’s singularly the most defining and identifiable piece of equipment in all of sports. PERIOD.

And so, a kid who is living one boyhood dream after another, who most likely can’t afford a new NHL spec mask, who can’t likely receive one from his surrogate professional team if he wishes to petition for an extra year of NCAA eligibility, is taping over his mask so he doesn’t get booed on his home ice during warm-ups. Be proud of this kid Columbus, don't be so primordially obsessed with a rivalry in ametuer athletics that it detracts from this kids remarkable story while it's happening in your town.

In the hockey world, I hold playing hockey for U of M holds more honor than playing in the NHL for the Columbus Blue Jackets. Think I’m wrong? Then you’re saying playing for Todd Richards is more noteworthy at a bar than playing for Red Berenson. Truly, having a cup of coffee in the NHL is a remarkable feat, but more so is walking-on the U of M hockey team and winning the starting goaltending job after two years.

So Blue Jackets fans know this, while your captain wants out, while your front office jobs and coaching positions remain mostly entry-level and unwanted, it’s this sentiment of making your emergency goaltender cover up his evil U of M insignias that will ultimately cost you the Blue Jackets. But if asking your goalie who played for that ‘school up north’ to cover up his winged helmet is that important to you, than you probably don’t give a shit about a local NHL hockey team anyways.

Just think Columbus, you could have had this instead of Rick Nash.

CBJ Time Capsule Rant from 2008

A lot has changed with the Columbus Blue Jackets since 2008 and a lot has not.  I wrote the following email to the editor of the Yahoo Sports Hockey Blog on September 1st, 2008 to which I got a sincere reply.  I re-read it for really the first time since I sent it 3.5 years ago and feel bad.  My snark and clever wit have not diminished, my measured and high expectation for this hockey team is unwavering, and really what makes me sad is nothing has changed with the identity of the team since I wrote this.

Three good things have happened since.  1) The CBJ went from being the only current NHL team never to make the playoffs to being the only current NHL team never to win a playoff game and 2) Boomer is gone.  3) The die-hard fan base actually fills the R-Bar now.  Alas, we still have Stinger.  Read below and tell if there is any reason to think differently today than I did 4 seasons ago.  I moved back to Columbus in mid-2009.

I bet you thought that I was dead!



I love the Blue Jackets. I spent my formative years in Ohio as my family was New England transplants. I lived the Ohio hockey life from the home of the Football Hall of Fame. It was 30 minute drive to Pee-Wee practices in Kent, 70 minute drive to practice for midgets in Shaker, so on and so forth. I went to Ohio State, got a job in Columbus, and fell in love with the Blue Jackets in the fall of 2000. I saw the first game, Nash’s first goal, Zherdev’s first goal (twice), and I’ve put up with the (remedial at best) fan base for 8 years. I have since moved to the Detroit suburbs in 2006, but still love the jackets.


That novelty is beginning to fade and this season’s NHL direct TV pass may be my last.


Front office of the past:

McLean’s tenure was past it’s welcome from a ‘winning team’ point of view. He got lucky in Florida when teams were only allowed to protect 10 players in the expansion draft. However, as President and “man behind the curtain” coach in C-bus, operated a profitable franchise which is an unseen gem in the wasteland of Ohio Professional Hockey. He was too hands-on with the players as a suit, and hired yes men as coaches in King and Gallant. His free-agent “busts” all hated him (then left to win cups with other teams) Marchant, Sydor, Marshal, Hartigan x 2 (who doesn’t really count, but while we’re on the subject) and fell in love with the dirtiest of words come draft day, “potential.” You need a good talent evaluator in your front office on draft day or trading day. Mclean never understood that. Let’s hope the new guy can do that better than Mclean, or hire someone who can.

I like Hitch, but he needs someone to open up the wallet. Albert Einstein could turn poop into a party hat, but you didn’t wear it to the opera.

The players: Columbus, OH - the ultimate professional pick up hockey destination.


The team has no chemistry, no tradition, no bond. Guys like Foote, Letowski, and Richardson were amazed that after practice, the guys were off doing their own thing and not hanging out. Even the wives noticed. Caroline Marchant was amazed. She said while in Edmonton, the guys would leave for practice at 8am and the wives wouldn’t expect the guys home until 5pm, on non game days. They’d do stuff together after practice. In Columbus, Todd was home most mornings by 11am. Speaking of wives, Columbus is in last place in that category as well.

Sure those guys got into a little trouble on the road, (have you ever seen Deron Quint drink?) but Derain Hatcher would have more chicks at the bar after a game in Columbus than Manny Maholtra.

Rick Nash will leave the team in two years, or will be playing for the Hamilton Bulldogs of the NHL when Columbus moves there for the 2011-2012 season on a brief contract extension. Nash will win a championship with a team that can regularly make the playoffs, I don’t see him getting “Rcik Nash” punched onto Lord Stanley’s cup in Columbus. I don’t see anyone in the front office or the current ownership group of the Blue Jackets willing to invest money in the team. Hamilton deserves a team.

Second Rate Media

Ok, the print guys are great in Columbus, but broadcast media, ug. We get the Cincinnati Mighty ducks announcers. God love Bill Davidge, but Tampa has Phil Esposito doing color on the radio (yeah, I know…). The TV coverage in Carolina (where people are proud that the Cane’s won “that big tournament”) make Columbus’ TV crew look like, dead air, um, dead air. Man, the sports channel guys from the 80’s did a better job. The in-game staff at Nationwide does a great job, even after the mass exodus of the top-notch production crew during the lock-out. God love the soda sluts, I mean Pepsi Crew. Maybe that figure skating Civil War Era guy each year at the home opener is a bit much. Oh, maybe not the media’s fault, but I’m not staying up until 1am to listen to Columbus get reamed by San Jose, Vancouver, and LA 10 times a year. Ok, maybe not in LA. My favorite Jackets TV commercial of all time has to be: “Come see Michael Rupp, Jody Shelley, and Duvie Westcott take on Joe Sakic, Peter Forsberg, and Alex Tanguay of the Colorado Avalanche.” I spit milk out of my nose when I heard that one.

Sweaters.

Pick one. The fans are going to stop buying them soon anyways. Is Stinger dead yet?

The Fan Base

Columbus is the only place in the known universe where you’ll hear: “Gosh, I miss the Glow Puck; when is Fox going to bring that back?” The only thing the casual hockey fan knows about in Columbus is the freaking FoxTrax. Six bucks and my left shoe says only 1 in 1200 Blue Jackets fans will know that RJ Umberger played hockey at Ohio State. I got booed when I clapped for Ryan Kesler once. I had a CBJ season ticket holder ask me how Dan Fritsche could play at both Ohio State and the Blue Jackets. I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard a masculine voice cry, “Hand Ball!!” or “Do these guys have day jobs?” or “what does ‘stick handle in a phone booth’ mean?” Take a look at the Blue Jacket’s schedule and tell me if there’s a home game or a televised away game on a college football Saturday that involves Ohio State. What does that say about your fan base? Bobby Hoying draws a bigger crowd than Rick Nash. Bobby f-ing Hoying.

2008 Predictions

Unless two guys come out of nowhere to score 30 goals, in addition to Nash’s 30 or 40, and two defensemen tally at least 10, we finish 10 points out of 8th place in the West. I see nothing that has been done to fix the one lingering problem the Blue Jackets have always had: scoring goals. Leclaire records 9 shutouts and has a trap-era GAA and the Jackets still finish in 13th place. A top line center is nice, but one top line, two ‘salary cap casualty’ second line guys playing with rent-a-center, and two fourth lines nets you 165 goals at best. Defense wins championships, offense gets you in the playoffs. Jody Shelley puts butts in the seats.

These three things are requisite for the boys in the ever-changing sweaters to have a chance at a post-season bonus:

1. .500 season against the Wings and Preds, (or top two in division, any better than either one and you’re golden)


2. Better than .500 against the Blues and Hawks. (or bottom two in division, any worse that either and it’s tee times come April.)


3. Finish above .500 in your non-conference games against the East.

Of course, you’ll probably need to score 220+ goals to do that, or have your goalies record 19 shutouts.

Three things stick out to me the most:

1) Nash will leave the team
2) In 2007 Leclaire had respectible goaltending stats and the CBJ couldn't support with offence
3) The Blue Jackets haven't turned a profit since 2007.

Toughen Up, Cupcake

I don’t know if it’s Todd Bertuzzi’s fault or what, but something is missing from hockey today. Maybe I’m too set in my ways, maybe it’s because my interest in hockey didn’t come from 90’s Era Expansion. It very well maybe that it’s because I’m living in Columbus, OH that I notice this. What’s missing – The inherent toughness that comes from playing hockey and being a hockey player.  More over, learning it.  I’ve noticed this in two different areas - youth league and beer leagues.

In case you're wondering who Chuck Norris prays to each night.

In both instances, I blame the city in which I live. I’m going to start with Beer Leagues, especially the guys that learned to play as an adult (not to mention the roller hockey cross-over crowd) in this city. To those who learned to play as an adult: Toughen up. Beer league hockey is not non-contact, it is non-checking. You are required to wear full equipment for this reason. You are given a weapon and a means of transportation that will propel you faster than your feet ever will. The game is fast, powerful, and dangerous. You’re going to get bumped hard, you’re going to get tripped, you’re going to get hacked. I say this only once: watch what happens in the NHL on TV: 33.74 out of 35.58 body checks result in both participants skating away from each other. 99 out of 100 non-checking forms of contact in the NHL result in both players skating away from each other towards the play whether a penalty is called or not. Know what contact is allowed and what is not.

I understand the difference between getting bumped because a guy is trying to out-work me and a guy whacking me behind the knees just to be a douche. I know this because I played competitively growing up. You may have not played growing up because you lived in South Carolina, or your mom didn’t want you losing teeth, or there weren’t the funds in the household - whatever. As an adult, don’t whine like a little girl with a skinned knee of you get bumped off the puck. Don’t be a chatch to some guy who worked hard and made a physical play that took you off of your feet. It happens. However, be very cognizant of guys intentionally trying to hurt people or are unnecessarily physical and proceed with caution.

Happy Gilmore lays one on the Crypt Keeper.

Now, changing gears to youth hockey. If you’re a coach who yells at kids for crying or arbitrarily tells your kids to toughen up when they complain about contact, please don’t coach children ever again, especially if you’re a house coach. Goals come from two things, hard work and good passing. That first part, hard work, is usually some sort of a high velocity physical confrontation to win a six ounce piece of vulcanized rubber. Children under the age of 12 are still reacting to sudden and sharp physical contact with pain mechanisms that manifest themselves in tears and fears. On the other side, tears of frustration are something that need to be addressed professionally with kids over the age of 10. Crying because you got the puck taken away or missing the net should be discouraged, but in the best interest of the kids.  Don't be this guy...

Proving that you don't have to have a good career to be a hockey troll.

As a coach, you can't just tell a kid to be tough. You need to get to know the players and understand how each player listends.  After a few weeks, you get to know the players. You know the kids that drop at the slightest contact, the kids that drop when they feel they’ve been wronged, and the kids that won’t tell you if a bone is sticking out of their skin. The first two are easy to deal with if a player goes down on the ice, but no matter what, I always assume the kids are hurt. After establishing these are crocodile tears and not a real injury, I tell the player (if applicable) I have to take them off the ice. 90% of the time the kids hop right up and skate to the bench and the tears of disappointment go away. They get a little pep talk from me and they’re ready to go next shift. Sometimes, the tears increase, which confirms tears of frustration. Tears of frustration are a little more sensitive to deal with but should positively be immediately addressed on the bench.

Not missing an opportunity to teach, the coach applauds the player for not getting hurt in the offensive zone.

The manner in which you address the two types of crocodile tears is different, but the message is the same and positive. Clean physical contact is allowed and expected.  To teach this, I encourage my skills coach to run ‘battle drills’ in practice just as much as we work on breakouts so that the boys are comfortable with contact. It’s a simple 2v2 small area game where the kids are encouraged to use body position to gain puck position and at any time can shoot the puck on net. This is of course after we teach allowable contact and how to skate into the boards during contact at a non-checking age. They become comfortable with contact in a game like situation, with players they know, in an environment where you can quickly address problems or demonstrate proper technique. This is a great example of how you teach kids to work hard, and by proxy, be tough.


Legal contact at all levels of hockey.



As an adult, if you don’t know what contact is allowed and expected, our children will suffer, your beer league team will continue to stink, and women will shun you.  Don't be a beer league chatch when someone beats you with the body because somewhere a 10 year-old is better at dealing with it than you.



Remember kids, no matter how far you make it in hockey, all drains lead to the Beer Leagues.



 

I'm Back...

I'm Back....

Sorry I had to make like Lyle Odelein and dissappear without a trace for over a week.  Spring break, a hectic work week, my son's renewed interest in legos now that hockey is over, and tearing down your backyard ice rink will do that.

I was also tracking down some hockey Hall of Famers to give me some free stuff to give-a-way on my blog.  Apparently, no one takes you seriously in the blogosphere if you don't have access (or pretend to have access) to sports teams or players.  Anyways...

Poll Results

I was hoping to get more response to polls seeing as I get 52 page views a day.  I'll come up with some crazy polls.  Only one vote for Ron Tugnutt in last week's poll.

I'm finishing up a post on toughness in hockey, the lack of toughness in beer league players, and learning how to be tough in minor (youth) hockey.

You can't resist us Mr. Odelein.

Poll Results

After overwhelming responst to the polls, results are as follows:

Which Current Player has the best beak in the NHL?

Ryan Kesler

Why so blue Panda bear?  You are a buffet of manliness.

Who will be the next Blue Jacket to leave Columbus?

By overwhelming majority:  Scott Howson.

Scott Howson ponders how to improve his team with as little effort as possible.

It's also worth noting that Twitter Handle - DougieMacIsWhiggityWaK - kept emailing me pictures of Daryl Sydor saying he'll be the next CBJ to have his pictures taken down in the front office.

Psst, hey Nash...  My name's on the Cup.

Dizzy from all these Concussions?

Feeling Concussed? Listen up NHL…




First, read the following from USA Hockey:

A legal body check is one in which a player checks an opponent who is in possession of the puck, by using his hip or body from the front, diagonally from the front or straight from the side, and does not take more than two fast steps in executing the check. Legitimate body checking must be done only with the trunk of the body (hips and shoulders) and must be above the opponent’s knees and below the neck. If body checking is unnecessarily rough, it must be penalized.

You know how hard it was to find a picture of a textbook check in the NHL?


Then watch an NHL game and tell me if this describes the checks or hits you see.  The NHL has it's own rulebook, and I'm struggling to find it's definition of a body check.

Trunk of the body.  Obviously man of porcelain Nikolas Kronwall missed that anatomy lesson.  Hands up and stick up.

Concussions, Concussions. It’s that evil C-word that’s flying around the NHL as it seems. Really, this is not a debate for fans, but a debate for parents and players. Coaches and referees are ultimately going to make the game safer, if it can be, at any level. USA Hockey, the monopolistic governing body of sanctioned hockey in the USA, tried to address this issue just this year.

USA hockey made contact rule changes this year for everyone under the age 12. My initial reaction, along with many others, was that we were wussifying hockey by eliminating checking until Bantams. To you uber-fans, that means you can’t check in the USA until you’re 13 (and your pretty much done checking at 18 if you aren’t playing Pro or in College). USA hockey’s practice concept was to allow checking in practices, but not in games. Yeah, that sounded pretty Ludacris to me (spell check just auto-capitalized ‘Ludacris’ Thanks Luda). You can teach checking to an 11 year old, work on it in practice, but don’t do it in a game. Seems silly to me. But, if you don’t coach, then what you don’t know is that USA Hockey wants practices to focus on game like scenarios. This is a sound principle, but not when you’re talking checking.

I was pretty upset that USA Hockey’s version of the Warren commission said the best way to reduce concussions was to change the minimum age of checking from 11 to 13. However, USA hockey did something very, very good in my opinion which was a shock.  This organization has shown very little motivation other than being a money grab for experienced players, and a "Education Camp" for newb dads. Skipping over what a joke the level 1-3 coaching certification classes are for USA Hockey, this year’s level three had one good hour of teaching hockey to coaches as it related to checking and physical contact.

In my day, it was a game of respect!

The instructor had a prepared video presentation showing what was legal contact at all ages and what was not allowed until the age of 13. Example of what is allowed at all levels - Shoulder to shoulder, an 8 year old can smear another 8 year old into the boards to obtain the puck, provided the stick is down, the hands are down, and the player doesn’t “throw” their shoulders or hips into the opposing player.  As you watched and heard more, they showed examples of clean hits, clean hard hits, dirty hard hits, and accidental hard hits.  They reinforced the good contact, not harp on the bad stuff.



The blue player is stepping into the white jersey to separate the player from the puck and gain control.



Stick down, Hands Down, the orange kid's mom is about to cry.


When a player turns 13, they are allowed to make overt checking motions – thowing hips or shoulders from front, diagonal front, or side-to-side, with hands and sticks down, to separate the puck carrier from the puck.  It's pretty simple what the NHL needs to do to help curb concussions...


Sticks down, hands down.



DO YOU HEAR THAT NHL!!! STICKS DOWN, HANDS DOWN!!!

I think this is where the NHL is missing the mark.  Stick Down, Hands down - that's the way we like to check.  If my stick and hands are up when I hit you, there's a good chance they'll hit you in the head.  There's a good chance that Sir Isaac Newton would agree that your brain will be propelled with equal and opposite force if I get my hands up around your shoulders upon impact.  Leading with your hands and stick should be an automatic charging call.  Leading with, not simply having them up, but leading with them.  Wait, you've never heard of a charging call?  That's probably because you've just started watching hockey in the last 12 years.

The NHL rulebook doesn't say that intentionally getting your hands up and stick up constitutes a charging, but it should.  In fact, other than jumping, Rule 42 is pretty much a vague penalty in the NHL rulebook.  It simply states if a check is deemed unneccessarily violent, it should be penalized.  Inferred are things like leaving your feet (rarely inforced) and taking more than three strides.  The problem is, if we roll this out immediately, then their would be 10-12 charging calls a game, right?  But if you rolled it out in camps during the off-season, this would work. Kind of like how the normally useless USA Hockey body rolled out the changes in checking, and reinforced the legal and hard contact equally.  All we are changing is the manner in which you deliver a check, not limit it's use.



If Wyman leads with his hands and stick here, Russell wakes up in 2015. 

Look, I'm not saying you can't blast a guy.  I'm not saying slow the game down.  If players keep their hands down, sticks down, and lead with the truck of the body the way we're taught there is less of a chance for contact to the head.  There less of a chance a player's head to make first contact with a hard surface.
Don't lead with your hands, don't lead with your stick.  Football has something similar with their equipment-turned-weapon.  Hands down, Stick down.  See below.

Skate Fenders, before the fad...



Apparently, the "North Mexico" joke didn't go over well in Pre-Game.

This kind of looks like a counter from Mortal Kombat



Leading with hands and stick

What a glorious, legal, and clean hip check.  You get a chance to blast a guy like this once in a career.



And, in case you didn't think I put some serouis research into body checking, I did.  The following picture is proof.

Not the body checking image I was after...

Your sister's virtue, Grandma's Cooking, Hockey Nicknames: Things that are Sacred

I have found one fundamental difference between my friends who have played the game and my friends who are fans of the game.  And when I say 'play the game' I mean spent a measureable amount of your youth playing hockey, not spending most of your adulthood wishing you had.  The difference I'm referring to is the use of hockey player nicknames by non-players.

Oh my god, he just called Sissy, "Juggs."

I have a strict, steadfast opinion that unless you've shared dressing room space with a player, you are not to refer to a player by their nickname.  A hockey nickname is not "Super Mario" or "The Russian Rocket."  Please for give me Mr Gretzky, but I'm talking about the different between calling Wayne Gretzky "the Great One" and 'Gretz.'  The nickname is something special intended for guys who've played, lost, and won together.  They are earned either out of respect or through embarrasment.   Not every player has one, and like pubes, you get them at different times.  A nickname is something that is created organically and typically follows a player his whole life.  Sometimes a nickname is a truncated last name.  Sometimes its a by product of how a player plays.  Sometimes, you know better than to ask where it came from and just go with it. 





Did you just refer to me as 'White Devil?'



If you hear a player refer to another player in an interview by their nickname, I believe it is NOT ok for a fan to refer to them by that name.  What irks me more than just about anything on earth is when a fan in the stands refers to a player on the ice by their nickname, casually, like you played Bantams together. Or, someone uses it on twitter and all the gold fish in the twitter pond start twatting it.   In the words of Vincent Vega, that's like placing your hands on someone in a familar way.  I understand the common fan's need and desire to feel part of something they care about dearly.  I get that.  But nicknames are bestowed upon a by a player or coach and become sort of a "callsign" for those who know.  Its like telling your kid it's ok to refer to their school teachers by first name.


There is also a player-to-player code as well. If I haven't shared a dressing room with you, I am not to call you by nickname.  There are a few exceptions, but the first time I meet a guy I've never skated with I'm not going to call them by nickname. However, having Chris Pronger refer to Jaromir Jagr as "Puff Nutts" will forever be indearing to me.

I guess to me, in hockey, there is nothing that screams"Wanna Be" louder than a fan screaming to a player by their nickname. I also can't stand it's justification on Twitter because you're limited to 140 characters.  I can call him 'Rafters' you can't.  Of the NHL venues I've visited multiple times, Penguins fans have to be the worst abusers of this unspoken rule.  I can't tell you how many times I've sat next to a Pens fan in gravy-stained gray sweatpants talking to his mouthbreathing counter-part, "Sid looks good out there tonight"  and "You can tell Gino is going to get one tonight."  Please.  Stop.  It's like getting YOUR last name put on the back of your favorite team's sweater. 

I find myself curiosly aroused by this woman.