Scott Howson's 2012 Playoff Roster

Scott Howson has spent the last 5 seasons putting together a great post-season roster.  Too bad these players are no longer on the Blue Jackets

Jason Chimera
Manny Maholtra
Rusty Klesla
Kris Russell
Jody Shelley
Gilbert Brule
Raffi Torres
Jason Williams
Antoine Vermette
Jacob Voracek
Sammy Pahlsson
Mike Commodore - he really doesn't count
Tom Sestito
Jeff Carter - he really doesn't count either.

There's probably a couple other guys I'm missing, but as I went through the rosters in my head, theses are the guys who I though of.

Excuse me Mr. Howson, how exactly am I the asshole here?

Reflections of Blue Jackets Society in Literature: Part One - Fans of La Mancha

I've often been refered to as "Miller Time." It has nothing to do with my name, my beer preference, or any corellation with Ryan Miller. It is due to my typically obscure, however well-educated, outside references related to sports - usually in the form of music, literature, and government (not to be confused with Politics, which I detest). A la Dennis Miller. Typos aside, I typically fight the urge to incorporate obscurities into my ramblings, and supress the desire to do so with rich sarcasm. But every once in a while I allow the realm of obscurity to transform me into a hopeless laureate for a sport seldom linked to poetry outside of Stompin' Tom Connors. I am going to allow this post, this essay, to be filled with the obscure references to the Blue Jackets that I have long suppressed. Don’t worry, I am not going to woo with high minded verse of hockey. Rather, I think of two of the most delusional characters depicted in literature, sprinkle in some 19th century French Imperialism, borrow the repetitive use of an offensive term vis-à-via Mark Twain, and I ultimately can't help but draw parallels to the fans of the Columbus Blue Jackets.



I have decided to turn this essay into a three part post. It is far too long to hold people’s attention, especially given the obscure references. So I give you Part One.

“Drink to me, drink to my health, you know I can’t drink any more.”

Fans of La Mancha



You might be thinking "What the f**k do Don Quixote, Walter Mitty, and Napoleon Bonaparte have to do with the Columbus Blue Jackets?" Ah, oh so much. This is of course assuming you know who they are. If you do know who they are, and happen to be an attractive female brunnette who's into obscure referencing washed up hockey players, I will tell my lovely wife that I've at last found my 'Plan B.' I'm a planner, if not mad, she can at least appreciate that.


This all really got started in my head (the poetic thing, not my wife’s back-up) with Scott Howson and his accounting department-eqse, gossip-around-the-water-cooler drama by the public acknowledgement of Rick Nash's request for a highly conditional trade. Once word of this spread through the blogosphere, the hatred for Rick Nash became needlessly widespread and unjustified. Cries of lost honor, demands for more emotion, and delusions of gradiuer from a chivalrous time long ago were soon spewed in everyone's emotional response. The Fans bemoaned their captain, seemingly now devoid of dignity, honor, and romantically intoxicating honor. They demanded more. They demanded a new captain. They demanded someone who would ride in on horse and restore honor and dignity to a hockey team who’s never had it. In case you haven't read El ingenioso hildago don Quijote de la Mancha I just described to you the convictions of Don Quixote.


Oh you Blue Jackets fans, only seldom critical of Rick Nash as captain before Howson flapped the yapper and took things outside the dressing room. Now, the captain of the suckiest hockey team for over a decade, is finally faced with the foolishly misplaced sense of expectation by a fan base frustrated by sucking. In their minds, their captain wasn’t supposed to be tired of a decade of suck. Fans were supposed to live vicariously through him. They took Rick Nash for granted. Betrayed, they now wished Nash would punch somebody in the face whenever a teammate was bumped. They wish Nash would throw down when one of the 7 CBJ goalies got ran. The expected him to single-handed carry this sucky team on his back while forgetting at the same time he’s pretty much done so since he was a teenager. Nash was the only non-pugilist hockey player in Columbus that could be positively identified by more than 4000 people.

Sadly, I often think of Rick Nash as hockey’s version of Santiago from Old Man and the Sea, but I’ll save that depressing piece of prose for when Nash is retired or wins a cup with someone else. That’s a tale about overcoming suckitude. But the betrayal felt by the fans brought out a yearning for Nash to be something he is not. And incidentally suddenly, the CBJ fans had expectations. Sadly, those expectations were 5-6 years too late. Now seeing Rick Nash as an imposing windmill, the twoopers of #cbj land set out destroy their captain-turned-windmill. But poor Quixotic Columbus, had Nash been the smash-mouth leader we suddenly wished he was, with a visible desire to win at all costs, he would had left this suck-fest of a team a couple seasons ago.


The “desire to win” expectation of a captain does not stop with their teammates or their conduct on the ice. It continues into how the organization positions itself to be competitive in the market place. Rick Nash is tired of the world of suck. It started with relieving Ken Hitchcock from coaching duties 50 something games after making the playoffs. There was hope with Claude Noel - a coach with the same measure of expectation across the entire CBJ organization as a dream captain would. “Just because you’re a volunteer doesn’t mean you can suck” Noel would say to youth hockey coaches; I admired that. Once Noel was not retained, and Boucher said no to the suck, I’m sure Nash thought to himself, “How much longer can I tolerate the suck?” After the releasing of Hitchcock, his subsequent success, it was likely the poorly timed firing of Arniel which was the last straw for Nash. It was then the suckitude of the franchise was epitomized and Howson’s shortcomings were undeniable. Trying to get too off topic -The only reason to fire Arniel when Howson did was to serve as a poor Homer Simpson moment of, “Wooo-hooo, look at me. I’m working!”



Folks, the organization sucks beyond hockey operations. The team has the suckiest arrangement with its home venue - Nationwide Arena – in the league. I haven’t done any research to see if the county ownership of Nationwide Arena will change that, but last I checked the CBJ get no parking revenue from Nationwide, no naming rights revenue, have to pay 5 million a year to use the arena, and are required to cover operational loses for non-hockey events usually round 4 million a year. Think winning helps, the CBJ received $14,000,000 from the NHL in 2009 to cover costs.

If your hockey team was a car company, which would it be??

Maybe deep down inside places they don’t want to talk about, Jackets fans pity Rick Nash. He’s been dealt a raw hand. I summed it up to a guy in my office whose kid plays on travel hockey team. “Look Mike, one day your kid comes home and says, ‘dad, I’ve worked hard every year for 8 seasons just like you wanted me to. This team is poorly ran, we take kids no one else wants, there’s a new coach every other year, none of the wives like each other, we got swept out of the only tournament we qualified for. It’s not fun anymore and all my friends play for other teams. This team is irrelevant. I don’t think I want to play here next year.” My co-worker had nothing else to say, that pretty much sums up how I believe Rick Nash feels. Long term sucking is no fun, even if you make skin-flicks for a living.



Like him or not, you have to acknowledge the fact of how Rick Nash has handled himself through all this, this, sucking mess. As tall of a windmill as he stands today to frustrated fans, he hasn’t whined to the media about the undeniable irrelevance of his employer in the competitive marketplace. He’s made the easiest $7.8 million a year a hockey player can make, and I admire him for wanting more. He’s been dignified the last few weeks in the midst of another disappointing season. He hasn’t said a peep about fan protests or how awfully suckful his team is. Nash has been a consummate professional with the 12-13 minutes of media coverage the team gets each day in it's home market. His coaches and teammates have commented on how he is working just has hard and preparing just as well as he always has. He may not be the captain this team needs, or the captain the fans now seemed convinced they want, but imagine how badly this all could have gone if it were a city where hockey mattered?

No, this is not the HC Davos press corps.

"Part Two: Ta-pocketa-pocketa-pocketa" coming soon...

10 NHL players of the past you should know

Lots of bloggers take shots at pro athletes.  I am neither a blogger or a pro athlete.  I am a washed up never-was hockey player who could smell the big time from the next room.  What I like to do as a former player is make fun of fans and bloggers from my office in Columbus, OH.  It is also in my best interest to educate the fans of Columbus about hockey so that my obscure references are not confused with my references to Alexander Mogilny.

With that, I give you 10 players that not everybody knows, but probably should.  This is not based on skill or dominance, rather than their notability as hockey players.

10.  Alexander Mogilny - Russians are common in the NHL now a days, but when Mogilny hit the scene in the early 90's there weren't many around and he could score.  Also, back then they were called Soviets.  Any Soviets that were here were typically NHL rookies in their early 30's after the Red Army spit them out.  Oh, and Mogilny's defection and subsequent extortion by the Russian organized crime was scary and made for an HBO hockey special.

The Russian Mob - not sexy.

9.  Adam Oates - this guy centered some dude named Hull.  This guy centered some dude named Neely.  This guy centered some dude named Bondra.  He was the "also ran" center to some monster wingers. I don't say also ran, sports writers do. John Stockton was the Adam Oates of Basketball.  Oates is 6th all time in assists.  The only HOF eligible player in the top 25 of all-time assist leaders not in the Hall of Fame.  WHY?  Dunno, but at least he was voted sexiest hockey player a number of times.

Soy tan sexy que mi amor.

8.  Mike Bossy - no one in hockey has a better shot.  No one had a worse back which caused him to retire from hockey shortly after his 30th birthday.  He scored less than 50 goals only once in his 10 year career.  9 straight 50 goal seasons is his NHL record alone.  He's tied with some guy named Gretzky on a couple other records playing in half the number of seasons.

Marla Hooch, what a hitter.

7.  Al Iafrate - He wore a bandana, smoked cigarettes during intermissions, and birthed the phrase "Howizter from the point."  Before the All-Star game was turned into snob-fest by Gary Bettman, Iafrate was one of the biggest draws to the skills competition.  The All-Star game was for the players voted by the fans, the skills competition was for those most skilled in the events, whether voted by the fans or not.  Once the skills comp was for all-stars only, this colorful character was lost to obscurity.  105.2 with a wooden stick.

Mullets and Marlboros, not sexy.  105.2 MPH, Tu es un garçon sexy

6.  Dino Ciccerelli.  600 goals, 1400 PIMS and it took him 11 years to get in the Hockey Hall of fame.  Apparently, if you do the things Mike Milbury does, but have a great career, they snub you in the Hall of Fame.  If you're Mike Milbury, MSNBC puts you on TV.   Ciccarelli would out work you at every turn and punish you any chance he got.  Did I mention he entered the league undrafted after spending a couple seasons in the minors after juniors?  600 career goals.

He's a bad-ass, high scoring Italian hockey player, I don't need to say it do I?

5.  Pavel Bure - Candice Cameron's brother-in-law is my favorite non-friend/family hockey player.  I had my own number, but if someone onthe team wanted it, I wore number 10.  This guy was fast and it seemed most of his goals were highlight reels.  He was like Ovechkin, but handsome.  He was able to score 50 goals in three different seasons after the New Jersey Devils ruined hockey with the Trap.  Bad Knees ended his carreer at the tender age of 32.

My favorite player, and the most handsome hockey player Russia has ever produced

3 & 4 - Radek Bonk and Alexander Daigle.  Nothing personal guys, but the Ottawa Senators were Blue Jacket-esqe with their draft picks in the early years.  Bonk wasn't a total bust, especially since the 1994 draft was very, very lean.  I look at Alexandre Daigle and see Nail Yakupov.

Obsure Bonk photo that has nothing to do with sexy or hockey.

2.  Brian Leetch - aside from being (I think) the only member of the 1993-1994 New York Rangers not to have previously won a cup with the Edmonton Oilers. Not the fastest, not the strongest, but brilliant with the puck.  He is the last defenceman to record 100 points in a single season.  Leetch made it look like the Rangers were on the powerplay whenever he had the puck.

Smooth. Clean. Classy. Delicious. Soft core porn for hockey fans.

1.  Doug Gilmour.  Killer.  Fierce.  Don Cherry never gave Gilmour a hard time for wearing a Vanity Number.  450 goals in the NHL while only scoring 40 or more in a season once, usually playing injured.  1400 points in 1500 games and won only a single Stanely Cup with the greatest team no one remembers, the 89 Flames.  He was the captain of three of the seven teams he played for.  The October 12th 1998 issue of Sports Illustrated has a great article on Gilmour, which I consider the Webster's definition of a Hockey Player.

The last of a dying breed.  The HOF selection committee thinks he's sexier than Oates.  Maybe They're right.

And there you have it.  10 players from the 80's and 90's that hockey fans should know.  Not necessarily my favorites, or ten best, or ten of anything,  Just 8 solid hockey players and 2, oh yeah, those guys.  And I found the following picture too good to leave out. 

Since my folks are likely to read this, I'll leave out the 'smell test' joke.

What is Rick Nash worth?

My father is an economist by education, but has accomplished much in life. My father taught me the greatest lesson learned about “Market Value” by happen stance that came about in a pack of baseball cards. It was 1991 and the Zenith of the baseball card craze. I was in my early teens and nearing the end of the acceptable age to be collecting sports cards. It was a random trip to Fishers Foods grocery store where I brought along ten dollars to buy a couple packs of Upper Deck baseball cards. I ended up with a valuable autographed Legends of Baseball Gaylord Perry baseball card. This was years before Al Gore had invented the internet, so there were few ways to find out what this card was worth: Go to a baseball card show or go to a baseball card store.

Ah, Stereotypes.

I was old enough to recognize that deep inside these places made me uncomfortable, but young enough not to understand why. Conflicted, I convinced father to take me to either place that weekend. He had enough of seeing me swap Walter Payton rookies for Mike Greenwell rookies. George Brett rookies for Sam Horn rated rookies (true stories). Discussing this rare card, he asked me what I thought the card was worth. Before I could answer, he said “whatever someone is willing to pay.” Smart man. Trying to minimize his exposure to the world of nerd-dom I would soon understand, we went to the card show in town  that weekend instead of the local card store. As it turns out, my father also happened to be ex-CIA as well, so I learned how to case a public place, profile merchants, gather intel, establish intellectual superiority, and negotiate from a position of strength. God I miss the Cold War. After a recon sweep of the card show (more of a army term, but it works), we found two vendors that had these autographed cards. Thanks to my father, it was discovered one of these vendors were missing only the Gaylord Perry to complete the entire set. As luck would have it, the vendor happened to be the guy who had the card store right in town. Phase one complete. The next step was to make sure I didn’t swap this valuable card for the 1986 Cleveland Indians team set.

By the age of 13 my father taught me how to throw a curve ball, take a slapshot, proper sports broadcasting, and how to code-in under duress.

We approached the baseball card guy from the local store - fat, balding, rude, and wearing gravy-stained apparel (obviously a Penguins fan) and he offered me $50 for the card. Had my father not been there, I would have taken the $50 and ran to the nearest arcade as fast as I could. My father mentioned the $400-$600 price tag on each of the other 4 or 5 cards in the series and asked why Gaylord Perry was only worth $50. My father is republican and doesn’t begrudge someone for trying to make a profit, he just likes it done fairly. He calmly commented to the baseball card guy on how he thought a 50% margin on retail goods was fair, cited the work and labor I saved the clichéd card store owner by already having the card in hand. The deal sealer was how the guy didn’t have to tear through another couple cases of cards to find this Gaylord Perry. My father told the vendor he thought $200 was a fair purchase price for the card considering the trouble I saved him and the immediate opportunity it presented. The vendor didn’t take long to see it my father’s way. He agreed to buy the card for $200 provided we didn’t tell the other vendors. Compartmentalized classified information was another of my father’s core competencies, oh the secrets my father will die with… but I digress. Upon shaking hands and handing over 10 twenty dollar bills, the baseball card guy stated he had a “guy in Akron” lined up to buy the whole set for a couple grand. Everyone walked away happy. I was 14 years old. The $200 I got was like ten grand to me. The lesson learned was long lasting. I learned how to evaluate a situation that was emotionally driven in nature, but was essentially a business transaction serving two people’s best interests. The lesson learned would serve me greater later on in life: buying homes, starting investments, retirement, and especially evaluating lame duck prohibitive contracts in the NHL.


I have always held that Rick Nash has one of the most prohibitive contracts in the NHL. This is largely due to the fact that the only shred of identity the Blue Jackets have is from Rick Nash (this is of course once Jody Shelly left). In my opinion, Nash is paid a premium in his salary because he is the face of hockey in Columbus, love it or leave it. It’s that premium that has no value anywhere else in hockey. Nash earned it here in Columbus, and understandably so. Whenever I tweet or post that Rick Nash’s salary is almost impossible to move, I get the “You’re nuts, you suck, suck it, you’re dumb” responses. Any team would love Rick Nash for sure. If his cap hit were neighborhood of 6 million (like Zetterberg or a Sedin) I would be typing about how cool Rick Nash looks in a Sharks sweater.

After 11 years, there are no "championship" banners of any kind hanging in Nationwide Arena.

Let me break it down another way. Rick Nash has the 5th highest cap hit in the league at 7.8MM. He has the 20th highest Salary in the league. He is 61st in scoring as of today. Last I checked, he’s made the top 40 in scoring one time and that’s including three monster seasons by Nash standards (his injury shortened 05-06 season was his best IMHO). What does Rick Nash have? He’s a good NHL’er for sure, but don’t say it. TOP LINE CENTER. Stop it with the “first line center” BS already. He’s been in the league 8 years, eight years! We’ve never seen his production in the NHL with a top line center, so how do we know it will improve? Don’t give me Switzerland or the Winter Olympics crap either… Sure, I could score at least 8 goals a season taking twelve shifts a game with Sidney Crosby or Joe Thornton. 12 goals if I could always skate against Scott LaChance. But which team has a top line center who is missing a wing? Queue cricket noise. Or my cover of "Mrs Robinson" And here’s to you Mr Adam Oates, Brett Hull turns his lonely eyes to you… ooo-oo-oooo.  Ok, maybe a bit too obscure.


Back to Trading Nash. Skipping the part where any trade is really up to Rick Nash, do you really think the league’s 61st place scorer with the fifth highest cap hit in the league is worth a first round pick? Listen Columbus, you’re not getting a high first round pick for a good player with a superstar cap hit. If Columbus is lucky, they could get something like a Hossa for Heatly or kind of trade (minus the tragedy). Swap a couple of players stuck in the mud and hope something happens. However, giving Columbus another first round pick is like giving Art Schleichter $250k and a weekend stay at the Bellaggio. If you’re going to trade away a first rounder and be pretty sure it won’t come back to haunt you, send it to Columbus.


I like Rick Nash. I want him to stay. But when I’m the GM of one of the 10 teams Nash is reported to have on his list, I’m not looking at the name. I’m looking at the salary and the production. Sure Nash is healthy, but he’s never had to play more than 86 games wire-to-wire. His shot total is still among the league leaders, but his goal production is slipping. Re-read that last sentence twice. Ouch. I’m not saying GMs don’t want Rick Nash. I’m saying most GM’s on Nash’s list can’t take Rick Nash. Too put it in perspective, Nash’s numbers aren’t too far off Geoff Sanderson’s career, minus those three years in Buffalo. 7.8MM cap hit and a guy who has played in 4 NHL playoff games? I’m sure there some teams who are willing to take Nash ‘as is’ for the asking price. But they are likely losers not on Nash’s list. Sorry Charlie. Look at it Rick Nash’s way, If I’m going to be on an “also ran” team, there’s no better place that Columbus. If they get their act together and hired some talent, Columbus is an exciting place to be in.


So, there are owners and fans walking through the hockey card show with 2nd line salary cap casualties and first round picks in their pockets looking for scoring. They look at the mint Rick Nash in the case and think to themselves, GOALS. I would imagine standing behind them is a smart, fatherly GM. One who looks at the risk vs the reward. One who sees that the cap hit never declines over the life of the contract. One who sees shots taken rise and goal production slip. One who looks past Vancouver, Switzerland, and those two 40 goal seasons long ago. He sees a 7.8 million a year cap hit for a guy who finds himself at the bottom of second page in the “NHL Scoring Leaders” each year. They see a guy hungry for playoffs, but who’s only seen four games and only scored in one. Columbus, you’re not going to get a first round pick and 2nd line stud for the league’s 42nd (career average) leading scorer with the 5th highest cap hit, I’m sorry.

The best you can hope for is a front office fire sale to bring in hockey players, or a team on Nash’s list willing to trade another top money guy stuck in the mud. Columbus, you have to understand that the only reason you even know about the trade request is because Scott Howson said something to the media so it didn’t look like he was sitting on his hands at the deadline again.  Shows you how much Nash is worth to Howson.  Bush league in my opinion.  It's a pro sports team, I get it.  Before we think of moving Nash, we should move the front office. But keep the marketing guys, they’re cool.


Oh, In case you’re wondering, that Gaylord Perry card is worth about $15 today, at least the one’s sitting unsold on eBay are.

Wondering where that $200 went?  I spent it on a Turbo Grafx-16.  Never heard of it, well, it is kind like the Blue Jackets in that regard.

Hang your heads in shame Columbus

The Columbus Blue Jackets made headlines for the first time in six months that didn’t involve them sucking with the feel-good signing of Shawn Hunwick, circumstances notwithstanding. I won’t elaborate on Hunwick’s road to the NHL or his constant battling to get a whiff of playing time his first couple years of college. If Aaron Portzline's tweet report is to be believed, it’s where Hunwick played his college hockey that seems to be getting the attention, at least here in Columbus.

If you’re a Columbus Blue Jackets fan in Columbus and can’t admit to yourself that the Blue Jackets are the minor league team in town, you are indeed worse that the biggest Penguins super fan. That in itself is why the CBJ are not long for Columbus, but that’s a different story. But with that in mind, the ‘Columbus’ fans have asked Hunwick to surrender some of his pride he worked so hard for.

He's covered up his University of Michigan themed goalie mask with blue tape so that you can't see the Michigan "wings." NCAA regulations aside, I find it deplorable that this young man felt compelled to do this playing in Columbus, OH. If Kari Lehtonen can put sissy Final Fantasy toons on his lid and Ray Emery can put Mike Tyson on his, certainly the NHL is not asking him to change his winged goalie helmet.

I am sensitive to this for several reasons. Personally – I went to The Ohio State University and my wife graduated from the University of Michigan. I enjoy the rivalry and my most favorite thing to whisper in my wife’s ear late at night is “Michigan Lost.” We met post-college and because she wasn’t a Yankees fan, the relationship began. Living in Michigan, being married to a Wolverine, then moving back to Columbus, I can honestly tell you we Buckeyes are unhealthily obsessed with this storied rivalry.  Michigan fans care just as much about the rivalry, but Buckeye fans are like the Dale Earnhardt fans of college football.

Secondly, a goal mask is a defining piece of a goaltenders identity. I’ve had the privilege of being friends with a couple NHL and Colligate goalies and while to most it’s just a piece of equipment, most hang onto their masks long after all the other gear has gone to charity, sports card companies, or to pay tuition bills for their kids.  To a fan, most folks know who’s in net by their mask rather than their number. The helmet is the only piece of hockey equipment that is visually allowed to be customized in hockey. It’s singularly the most defining and identifiable piece of equipment in all of sports. PERIOD.

And so, a kid who is living one boyhood dream after another, who most likely can’t afford a new NHL spec mask, who can’t likely receive one from his surrogate professional team if he wishes to petition for an extra year of NCAA eligibility, is taping over his mask so he doesn’t get booed on his home ice during warm-ups. Be proud of this kid Columbus, don't be so primordially obsessed with a rivalry in ametuer athletics that it detracts from this kids remarkable story while it's happening in your town.

In the hockey world, I hold playing hockey for U of M holds more honor than playing in the NHL for the Columbus Blue Jackets. Think I’m wrong? Then you’re saying playing for Todd Richards is more noteworthy at a bar than playing for Red Berenson. Truly, having a cup of coffee in the NHL is a remarkable feat, but more so is walking-on the U of M hockey team and winning the starting goaltending job after two years.

So Blue Jackets fans know this, while your captain wants out, while your front office jobs and coaching positions remain mostly entry-level and unwanted, it’s this sentiment of making your emergency goaltender cover up his evil U of M insignias that will ultimately cost you the Blue Jackets. But if asking your goalie who played for that ‘school up north’ to cover up his winged helmet is that important to you, than you probably don’t give a shit about a local NHL hockey team anyways.

Just think Columbus, you could have had this instead of Rick Nash.

CBJ Time Capsule Rant from 2008

A lot has changed with the Columbus Blue Jackets since 2008 and a lot has not.  I wrote the following email to the editor of the Yahoo Sports Hockey Blog on September 1st, 2008 to which I got a sincere reply.  I re-read it for really the first time since I sent it 3.5 years ago and feel bad.  My snark and clever wit have not diminished, my measured and high expectation for this hockey team is unwavering, and really what makes me sad is nothing has changed with the identity of the team since I wrote this.

Three good things have happened since.  1) The CBJ went from being the only current NHL team never to make the playoffs to being the only current NHL team never to win a playoff game and 2) Boomer is gone.  3) The die-hard fan base actually fills the R-Bar now.  Alas, we still have Stinger.  Read below and tell if there is any reason to think differently today than I did 4 seasons ago.  I moved back to Columbus in mid-2009.

I bet you thought that I was dead!



I love the Blue Jackets. I spent my formative years in Ohio as my family was New England transplants. I lived the Ohio hockey life from the home of the Football Hall of Fame. It was 30 minute drive to Pee-Wee practices in Kent, 70 minute drive to practice for midgets in Shaker, so on and so forth. I went to Ohio State, got a job in Columbus, and fell in love with the Blue Jackets in the fall of 2000. I saw the first game, Nash’s first goal, Zherdev’s first goal (twice), and I’ve put up with the (remedial at best) fan base for 8 years. I have since moved to the Detroit suburbs in 2006, but still love the jackets.


That novelty is beginning to fade and this season’s NHL direct TV pass may be my last.


Front office of the past:

McLean’s tenure was past it’s welcome from a ‘winning team’ point of view. He got lucky in Florida when teams were only allowed to protect 10 players in the expansion draft. However, as President and “man behind the curtain” coach in C-bus, operated a profitable franchise which is an unseen gem in the wasteland of Ohio Professional Hockey. He was too hands-on with the players as a suit, and hired yes men as coaches in King and Gallant. His free-agent “busts” all hated him (then left to win cups with other teams) Marchant, Sydor, Marshal, Hartigan x 2 (who doesn’t really count, but while we’re on the subject) and fell in love with the dirtiest of words come draft day, “potential.” You need a good talent evaluator in your front office on draft day or trading day. Mclean never understood that. Let’s hope the new guy can do that better than Mclean, or hire someone who can.

I like Hitch, but he needs someone to open up the wallet. Albert Einstein could turn poop into a party hat, but you didn’t wear it to the opera.

The players: Columbus, OH - the ultimate professional pick up hockey destination.


The team has no chemistry, no tradition, no bond. Guys like Foote, Letowski, and Richardson were amazed that after practice, the guys were off doing their own thing and not hanging out. Even the wives noticed. Caroline Marchant was amazed. She said while in Edmonton, the guys would leave for practice at 8am and the wives wouldn’t expect the guys home until 5pm, on non game days. They’d do stuff together after practice. In Columbus, Todd was home most mornings by 11am. Speaking of wives, Columbus is in last place in that category as well.

Sure those guys got into a little trouble on the road, (have you ever seen Deron Quint drink?) but Derain Hatcher would have more chicks at the bar after a game in Columbus than Manny Maholtra.

Rick Nash will leave the team in two years, or will be playing for the Hamilton Bulldogs of the NHL when Columbus moves there for the 2011-2012 season on a brief contract extension. Nash will win a championship with a team that can regularly make the playoffs, I don’t see him getting “Rcik Nash” punched onto Lord Stanley’s cup in Columbus. I don’t see anyone in the front office or the current ownership group of the Blue Jackets willing to invest money in the team. Hamilton deserves a team.

Second Rate Media

Ok, the print guys are great in Columbus, but broadcast media, ug. We get the Cincinnati Mighty ducks announcers. God love Bill Davidge, but Tampa has Phil Esposito doing color on the radio (yeah, I know…). The TV coverage in Carolina (where people are proud that the Cane’s won “that big tournament”) make Columbus’ TV crew look like, dead air, um, dead air. Man, the sports channel guys from the 80’s did a better job. The in-game staff at Nationwide does a great job, even after the mass exodus of the top-notch production crew during the lock-out. God love the soda sluts, I mean Pepsi Crew. Maybe that figure skating Civil War Era guy each year at the home opener is a bit much. Oh, maybe not the media’s fault, but I’m not staying up until 1am to listen to Columbus get reamed by San Jose, Vancouver, and LA 10 times a year. Ok, maybe not in LA. My favorite Jackets TV commercial of all time has to be: “Come see Michael Rupp, Jody Shelley, and Duvie Westcott take on Joe Sakic, Peter Forsberg, and Alex Tanguay of the Colorado Avalanche.” I spit milk out of my nose when I heard that one.

Sweaters.

Pick one. The fans are going to stop buying them soon anyways. Is Stinger dead yet?

The Fan Base

Columbus is the only place in the known universe where you’ll hear: “Gosh, I miss the Glow Puck; when is Fox going to bring that back?” The only thing the casual hockey fan knows about in Columbus is the freaking FoxTrax. Six bucks and my left shoe says only 1 in 1200 Blue Jackets fans will know that RJ Umberger played hockey at Ohio State. I got booed when I clapped for Ryan Kesler once. I had a CBJ season ticket holder ask me how Dan Fritsche could play at both Ohio State and the Blue Jackets. I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard a masculine voice cry, “Hand Ball!!” or “Do these guys have day jobs?” or “what does ‘stick handle in a phone booth’ mean?” Take a look at the Blue Jacket’s schedule and tell me if there’s a home game or a televised away game on a college football Saturday that involves Ohio State. What does that say about your fan base? Bobby Hoying draws a bigger crowd than Rick Nash. Bobby f-ing Hoying.

2008 Predictions

Unless two guys come out of nowhere to score 30 goals, in addition to Nash’s 30 or 40, and two defensemen tally at least 10, we finish 10 points out of 8th place in the West. I see nothing that has been done to fix the one lingering problem the Blue Jackets have always had: scoring goals. Leclaire records 9 shutouts and has a trap-era GAA and the Jackets still finish in 13th place. A top line center is nice, but one top line, two ‘salary cap casualty’ second line guys playing with rent-a-center, and two fourth lines nets you 165 goals at best. Defense wins championships, offense gets you in the playoffs. Jody Shelley puts butts in the seats.

These three things are requisite for the boys in the ever-changing sweaters to have a chance at a post-season bonus:

1. .500 season against the Wings and Preds, (or top two in division, any better than either one and you’re golden)


2. Better than .500 against the Blues and Hawks. (or bottom two in division, any worse that either and it’s tee times come April.)


3. Finish above .500 in your non-conference games against the East.

Of course, you’ll probably need to score 220+ goals to do that, or have your goalies record 19 shutouts.

Three things stick out to me the most:

1) Nash will leave the team
2) In 2007 Leclaire had respectible goaltending stats and the CBJ couldn't support with offence
3) The Blue Jackets haven't turned a profit since 2007.

Toughen Up, Cupcake

I don’t know if it’s Todd Bertuzzi’s fault or what, but something is missing from hockey today. Maybe I’m too set in my ways, maybe it’s because my interest in hockey didn’t come from 90’s Era Expansion. It very well maybe that it’s because I’m living in Columbus, OH that I notice this. What’s missing – The inherent toughness that comes from playing hockey and being a hockey player.  More over, learning it.  I’ve noticed this in two different areas - youth league and beer leagues.

In case you're wondering who Chuck Norris prays to each night.

In both instances, I blame the city in which I live. I’m going to start with Beer Leagues, especially the guys that learned to play as an adult (not to mention the roller hockey cross-over crowd) in this city. To those who learned to play as an adult: Toughen up. Beer league hockey is not non-contact, it is non-checking. You are required to wear full equipment for this reason. You are given a weapon and a means of transportation that will propel you faster than your feet ever will. The game is fast, powerful, and dangerous. You’re going to get bumped hard, you’re going to get tripped, you’re going to get hacked. I say this only once: watch what happens in the NHL on TV: 33.74 out of 35.58 body checks result in both participants skating away from each other. 99 out of 100 non-checking forms of contact in the NHL result in both players skating away from each other towards the play whether a penalty is called or not. Know what contact is allowed and what is not.

I understand the difference between getting bumped because a guy is trying to out-work me and a guy whacking me behind the knees just to be a douche. I know this because I played competitively growing up. You may have not played growing up because you lived in South Carolina, or your mom didn’t want you losing teeth, or there weren’t the funds in the household - whatever. As an adult, don’t whine like a little girl with a skinned knee of you get bumped off the puck. Don’t be a chatch to some guy who worked hard and made a physical play that took you off of your feet. It happens. However, be very cognizant of guys intentionally trying to hurt people or are unnecessarily physical and proceed with caution.

Happy Gilmore lays one on the Crypt Keeper.

Now, changing gears to youth hockey. If you’re a coach who yells at kids for crying or arbitrarily tells your kids to toughen up when they complain about contact, please don’t coach children ever again, especially if you’re a house coach. Goals come from two things, hard work and good passing. That first part, hard work, is usually some sort of a high velocity physical confrontation to win a six ounce piece of vulcanized rubber. Children under the age of 12 are still reacting to sudden and sharp physical contact with pain mechanisms that manifest themselves in tears and fears. On the other side, tears of frustration are something that need to be addressed professionally with kids over the age of 10. Crying because you got the puck taken away or missing the net should be discouraged, but in the best interest of the kids.  Don't be this guy...

Proving that you don't have to have a good career to be a hockey troll.

As a coach, you can't just tell a kid to be tough. You need to get to know the players and understand how each player listends.  After a few weeks, you get to know the players. You know the kids that drop at the slightest contact, the kids that drop when they feel they’ve been wronged, and the kids that won’t tell you if a bone is sticking out of their skin. The first two are easy to deal with if a player goes down on the ice, but no matter what, I always assume the kids are hurt. After establishing these are crocodile tears and not a real injury, I tell the player (if applicable) I have to take them off the ice. 90% of the time the kids hop right up and skate to the bench and the tears of disappointment go away. They get a little pep talk from me and they’re ready to go next shift. Sometimes, the tears increase, which confirms tears of frustration. Tears of frustration are a little more sensitive to deal with but should positively be immediately addressed on the bench.

Not missing an opportunity to teach, the coach applauds the player for not getting hurt in the offensive zone.

The manner in which you address the two types of crocodile tears is different, but the message is the same and positive. Clean physical contact is allowed and expected.  To teach this, I encourage my skills coach to run ‘battle drills’ in practice just as much as we work on breakouts so that the boys are comfortable with contact. It’s a simple 2v2 small area game where the kids are encouraged to use body position to gain puck position and at any time can shoot the puck on net. This is of course after we teach allowable contact and how to skate into the boards during contact at a non-checking age. They become comfortable with contact in a game like situation, with players they know, in an environment where you can quickly address problems or demonstrate proper technique. This is a great example of how you teach kids to work hard, and by proxy, be tough.


Legal contact at all levels of hockey.



As an adult, if you don’t know what contact is allowed and expected, our children will suffer, your beer league team will continue to stink, and women will shun you.  Don't be a beer league chatch when someone beats you with the body because somewhere a 10 year-old is better at dealing with it than you.



Remember kids, no matter how far you make it in hockey, all drains lead to the Beer Leagues.